"water off a duck's back http://t.co/ZNbi1yVm" - 3 hours ago
"Distracted in East Hampton Starbucks - Besides me, two women draped in beige designer layered outfits, have... http://t.co/vGg5uYOr" - 9 hours ago
"On a(nother) rainy morning in East Hampton, I turn to Adam Curtis http://t.co/Yk5enb86" - 9 hours ago
I challenge anyone to find a find a 3.5 hour flight that stands more on the knuckles of your grip on reality than the redeye from Perth to Melbourne. We boarded at 10.20pm and landed at 5.05am. BMJ (Bart, Michael and Jamie ?? not to be mistaken for the British Medical Journal) were three spaced out specimens when rubber met tarmac let me tell you. By the time we??d collected our cargo ?? it??s misleading to call it ??luggage? because, combined, it weights just over 6 tons ?? there was a 40 minute window before Michael ??Bowser? Hauser was due to pick us up. My fellow astronauts beat me to the wooden benches by the window so I was forced to spread myself across the Titleist coffin bag housing my sticks and 2 tons of miscellaneous ??golf equipment? (for check-in purposes). A dozen Srixons dug into my back but I couldn??t summon the energy to re-pack the coffin (the temptation would??ve been to empty it and encase myself in it, in the hope that the world stopped spinning for a few hours).
Anyway, we snatched 15 minutes or so of precious shuteye. I then wandered around the terminal in search of an Optus shop (new SIM card required), probably looking like one of those poor drug addicts that march the streets at dawn, still smacked out of their faces with That Expression on their dial. And I felt worse than they look. The mission wasn??t a successful one, but when I returned to Base Camp Bowser had arrived and was looking decidedly more compos mentis than our trio. [Sidenote: Bowser??s the affable character from Tourism Victoria who looked after us famously all those moons ago back in March; he also writes a neat little blog on extra terrestrial mysteries that you can access here].
I did my best to muster conversational brilliance on the journey into Bowser??s office but didn??t even reach the heights of mediocrity. Not even close. The faculties were not firing on all cylinders folks. Y??er man must??ve been wondering what 8 months of golf travel had done to us. Weren??t we all...
A stiff, proper Antipodean doppio would soon see to that though. Bowser parked up outside his office just off Bourke Street then took a massive leap of faith by unleashing us on Melbourne, with his car. Our first endeavour was to caffeinate in the hope that it would draw us out of The Twilight Zone. Delicious coffee (after the tar we??ve been subjected to in the UK), but no such luck ?? still spaced out, even less cognitively balanced than before.
By some miracle Michael was able to follow the road map and with Bart as his driving instrument navigate us to The Heritage, right out on the north east outskirts of Melbourne by a bend in the Yarra. In my stupor I was at least able to make one observation en route: Melbourne like a sea sick child had turned green. After 11 years of drought it??s finally rained for weeks on end. Hallelujah. The valley in which The Heritage lies, then, was a picture that could almost have been lifted from our very own Aotearoa. Byoootiful.
To be honest I was in no mood for small talk, but the staff were delightful and went out of their way for us. Sadly in the circumstances their names went in one ear and out the other, so I can??t credit them personally; but suffice to say they??re a swell crowd and if you turn up to The Heritage without having slept then you??ll be in good hands. In the blink of an eye we found ourselves on buggies bound for The Henley Course.
They have two tracks out ??ere: a Nicklaus (The St John) and a Cashmore (Henley). Driving in you pass a few holes on The St John and realise quickly that you??re somewhere rather nice. Wide open doglegs sweep beneath the hills and around lakes. In a word, bonnie. The Henley??s out the back ?? a 5 minute cart drive away, following a green line down the path. No doubt the single longest cart drive I??ve ever taken from clubhouse to 1st tee.
Fortunately we had the course entirely to ourselves, so zipping ??round at break neck speed (with the objective of getting to bed back at Bowser??s place ASAP) wasn??t going to trouble anyone else. 5th gear it was then. In 2 hours and 40 minutes BMJ hacked it ??round what proved to be a very picturesque wee layout indeed. Granted the course is young and still bedding in, but the vistas you enjoy when you bother to pause for a moment are idyllic to say the least. And a few of the holes ?? like the uphill par 5 15th ?? are exemplary illustrations of clever design too. Would??ve loved to have played it in less trying circumstances.
But no matter. Michael??s wife Nicky was at base camp to greet us; although she soon realised we weren??t the full shilling and showed us to our rooms. 4 hours later I emerged somewhat dazed & confused. The kids must??ve been bemused ?? scared, even ?? by the Kiwi zombies traipsing through their domain. At one point wee Sam was explaining to me which badges he??d earned at Scouts ?? and it took every iota of brain activity I could muster to throw sensical questions back his way. Fortunately I was saved by the barbeque. Michael and I stood out on the deck with beer in hand, turning the sausages, doing what men do best: stare at the meat. And all was well after a long day.
JP
We??ve learn plenty about The West the last few days. That Fremantle has one E. That it??s a powerhouse of the Aussie economy and one of the wealthiest places in the world. And that expats are common and the ??kiwi?? is not such a rare creature here - much to the angst of a few locals.
The Royal Fremantle GC sits in the middle of Fremantle, a small manageable satellite town from Perth that is now entirely surrounded by urban development but yet retains an alternative, hippy and distinctively local charm.
We were up and playing early at Royal ??Freo?? so the Doctor was not yet at work. He normally makes it in around midday, like clockwork during the summer months, and works away with increasing force until late in the night. Yesterday Alan told me that the Doctor is the main reason why daylight savings has been rejected here during three separate referendums ?? it??s better to have the daylight in the morning during the best part of the day before the wind whips up.
Like Lake Karrinyup, Royal Fremantle is on a large undulating piece of land so holes are seriously influenced by the terrain. However I think the routing of the front nine at Freo might be superior as the holes seem to always be winding through the trees in differing directions. Admittedly the back nine has a bit of ??up and back?? but generally it??s a quality layout.
The course isn??t incredibly long and would be described as a local or members course. The best kind of golf in my opinion! Our match started with a hiss and a roar as Ned and Bart began their rematch against puregolf in style. They had plenty to prove after their dismal showing at The Cut and that they did as Ned was a new man at his home course. Drives were shaped with the fairways, barely a shot was missed and even his one handed chipping was On Song.
Bart even found form as he birdied three of the first six holes without missing a shot. The opening holes featured traditional features such as dogleg holes, ??Ozzie bunkering (which after traveling the world over is still something special??) and small and simplistic greens. After combining for 5 birdies in the first six holes we were rolling along nicely until we got to the par three 8th?
The 8th is one of two holes that have been redesigned. A short par three at around 140m, from the tee (pictured below) it looks like a glorious hole as the green angles away to the right and is protected by two front bunkers. Us three young??uns missed the green - inexcusable but probably very common for the average player. When we got up we saw that the effective landing area for the tee shot is actually incredibly small as the green is a sloping mess of turf - the kind of thing dreamt up after a particularly nasty night on the turps. Getting up and down is nigh on impossible as well ?? particularly from the left as the huge shoulders on the green are too large ?? and realistically a ??1-in-20? proposition. This is too hard ?? you have to give people a chance, like they have on the rest of the golf course. You can guess that three double bogeys later we trudged off to the next tee discussing the merits of the hole?
The course then reverts to type with some charming short par fours, 9 and 10, before the testing up and back duo of par fours 13 and 14 is where a score is made.
[the signature par three 17th]
On the back nine we were joined by the gregarious Georgia who came down to join team puregolf on the backnine to try and wrestle the match away from the Irishman & Bart. Georgia did all she could but unfortunately it was my golf in particular that let down the team (along with the magic of the Irish) as we couldn??t claw the deficit back.
But the back nine was all about the Stokes?? as this fine morning Ned and Georgia were celebrating their 43rd wedding anniversary. And where better than at Royal Fremantle GC with a couple of vagabonds from New Zealand?
The 15th is the other hole that has been redesigned ?? a quirky uphill par four with a blind tee shot and water looming on the right. The green can be reached down the (now strong) breeze for the really long hitters. The green is very firm, like the 8th but appears to be flatter and more playable. Particularly for a short par four, and so it gets the thumbs up from me.
The finish is classical Freo stuff with the index one 16th hole swerving through the bush, the picturesque par three 17th where from the tee you look out across the ocean, and then the dogleg right par five 18th played back down to the clubhouse. Handshakes and photographs later on the green our WA leg was over!!
But the back nine was all about the Stokes?? as this fine morning Ned and Georgia were celebrating their 43rd wedding anniversary. And where better than at Royal Fremantle GC with a couple of vagabonds from New Zealand? We have got a few gents in trouble this year dragging them out to the golf course when they ought be doing other things, so it was great that we could reverse this trend and have Georgia out too at least for the back nine as we played as a 5!! Our time in WA has been a hugely successful and fun few days primarily thanks to the Stokes. It??s been great to meet you guys and we??re hugely grateful for your help! As we say often, we??ll see you in NZ sooner rather than later hopefully!
To the courtyard ?? we weren??t to be inside as there was a Serious Function inside ?? the cards were signed with JP just missing out on another under par round with a solid 72. The Serious Function? The annual Governors match where the queens representative in WA and 15 colleagues have an afternoon of golf with the members. So the riff raff outside were having a Guinness and complementing our hosts on some spectacular golf and their 43 years of marriage and then we were summonsed. The Governor would like to meet us. And so we stumbled into the Serious Function to silence and many eyes upon us as His Excellency greeted us. We both managed to awkwardly greet him appropriately, JP particularly stammering it out as if the words ??your excellency?? were not part of the Scottish vocabulary.
John (Club Captain) and Governor, Dr Ken Michael were terrificly positive chaps who made the situation as comfortable as it could be. And then all of a sudden a few words were being spoken about our journey. I think I may have even cracked a joke at some stage?
The Governor was an awesome guy. Hugely enthusiastic, particularly about young people, he really lit up telling us about a function he held last week which was packed out with bright young West Australians all doing things for the community. He??s obviously a guy who has been very successful, has an amazing warmth and goes from function to function impressing people along the way. You might say he??s well practiced at it.
Sans golf, we traveled to Melbourne. On the red eye missing a nights sleep and losing 3 hours against the clock. The most trying flight of the year and yet only 3 and a half hours long?
It took us a good while to cotton on to this idiosyncrasy. Typically I don??t find ??Strayan proper nouns to be overly nuanced on the pronunciation front ?? what you see is usually what you get. Like Australians themselves, come to think of it. But Lake Karrinyup on the outskirts of Perth is a different beastie, straight out of the Gullane (??Gill-In?) or Hunstanton (??Hunstan?) school of weirdness: all together now, ??Karrin-Nupp?. In the days preceding our visit to this illustrious icon of West Australian golf, I was beginning to wonder if the locals were orally challenged, or whether they just spoke so quickly that you couldn??t hear the elusive Y. Nope. By the time the penny dropped I??d already made a buffoon out of myself probably a dozen times (what??s new?). If anything I??d embraced the Y and given it extra emphasis.
Let??s put semantics to one side for now though, and talk about TKE (as I have creatively dubbed The Karrinyup Experience, acronyms being the latest party trick in my arsenal of Trying To Keep Your Attention For Just A Few More Weeks). You won??t hear much dissent against claims that LK is the premier Gowf Establishment in WA. And so it was with great excitement that I opened my Macbook to discover an email from one Ken Wong, inviting us to join him and mate Alan for a hit. The delightful novelty of receiving these emails has in no way faded.
Because the ??Strayan private clubs in their deity have decided to depart from 14th century traditions only gradually, ankle socks just don??t cut it with shorts. You need mid or full length jobs ?? white, of course ?? concealing the indecency of your ankle bone if you don??t want a scrap with the Gestapo. (No prizes for guessing who wins that scrap too...). Anyway I??ve now come to accept this ridiculous prejudice against ankle bones as just plain ??Strayan and no longer gripe about it daily as I once did (quite a feat for a Scot). Instead I prefer to stir the pot by wearing inflammatory logos. The most recent addition to the underwear pocket of my ??pack is a pair of Royal Fremantle numbers, a generous gift from host Ned Stokes (suspect he just didn??t want to wear them again after my athlete??s foot riddled paws had been in ??em). I believe wearing them to Royal Perth and LK is akin to wearing a Celtic strip in The Wrong Part Of Glasgow. Fortunately however I didn??t get stabbed for the indiscretion.
The first thing that struck me about LK was the family atmosphere. It??s a country club, you see ?? although some CCs can be a bit stuffy. Not this one. Little tykes running around or at least threatening to burst into a purposeful step. The short course at their disposal. A big red see saw in the courtyard. (Well, not the see saw actually). But you get the point. If I was a kid in Perth, Karrinyup would be the club I??d hope ??daddy? belonged to.
When we arrived there was a champagne breakfast going on ?? as far as I could make out, for no particular reason. Perhaps this crowd were celebrating not being disturbed by the Christ The King congregation??s procession that passed Ned & Martha??s front door step? Hmmmmmmm. Anyway we didn??t disturb them, instead opting to make full use of the empty dining room inside. Chicken wraps and a bottle of Kooyong pinot noir provided ample stomach lining for a birdie festival. Or so they were meant to. From our vantage point we spotted a garrison of lady golfers marking their territory on the 1st tee. Judging by the brightly coloured Ralph Lauren uniforms they were donning with distinction ?? I know I??m entering dangerous territory here, but I find that the more immaculate a woman is turned out on the golf course, the less immaculate her shots tend to be ?? we all agreed it would be quicker to tee off the 10th. Several other thickets of men also had the same idea (corroborating my theory).
Straight away we got a flavour of what LK was all about. Namely sharp changes in altitude demanding soundness of judgment and distance control. Be it elevated tee shots to fairways 40 yards below or pitches up into the clouds, pure striking is the imperative. Fortunately for me most holes that veer one way or t??other veer left, allowing me to snap a few hooks and look like I meant it. No doubt Ken and Alan being perceptive men of intelligence could pick a Gid Bad Ain when they saw ??un tho. However.
As you can see below, Ken is a cautious creature and deviates from the red lines painted around the course only when absolutely necessary.
The day grew steamier and so too did the shadows under the pits of our arms. Gazing deliriously at the supernatural ??Black Boys? (these days known instead as ??Grass Trees? in the interests of healthy race relations) I was not myself but rather Johnny Depp??s character in Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. God they are strange things. A bulbous ball of tussock grass forms the bulk of the ??tree? ?? suspended some 3-6 feet off the ground ?? and out of that grows a cactus-like organism (at 2cm a year) reminiscent of a furry popsicle. See below. Also see the marvellous pink flowers whose name as ever escapes me.
Between the grass trees then and the ??roos roaming the fairways (Joeys in tow) it was a surreal episode of heat exhaustion ??Strayan style. One Joe in particular caught my eye as he searched for his car keys (below).
Ken & Alan as it happened were tremendous company. Because Michael??s been diagnosed about 56 times this year as having a gigantic melanoma on his nose, I had fun drawing Alan into offering some dermatological advice. Cut it off, he suggested. I agreed and offered my services as anaesthetist, surgeon, post-op nurse and therapist. Having been confronted with the unseemly brown growth for 328 days now I??d be glad to see the back of it to be honest. But I digress.
After putting the final nail into the coffin of my calf muscles by walking up the 8th and 9th (our final holes and bonnie ones at that) it was a minor miracle I made it to the bar. Then again we were thirstier than Dodgy Itself (wonder how he??s getting on these days; whether the Swiss got across the US?). Perched in the courtyard with a pint of Cascade Pale Ale I took in a deep breath, surveyed the situation, and acknowledged to The Idiot Within that Life is never going to be the same again!
Ken being the consummate gentleman took us back to his place to clean up before dinner. At the local Chinese joint we devoured enough food to feed Sezchuan Province for a week. And sipped a couple of bottles of Australia??s finest red (Ken??s quite the collector / aficionado, and fortunately it was BYO). The long and the short: we were entertained famously by this delightful pair of men; our Sunday at LK will live long in the memory bank. There??s even talk of joining up for a few days?? golf next year on the Mornington Peninsula!
A thank you of Burj Khalifa proportions, then, to The Good Doctors. See you when we see you!
(A dehydrated, sunburnt and delirious) JP
Back in Aussie the chat often turns to ??golf course design??. Names like Thompson, Perrett, Norman and Clayton are bandied around in golf clubhouses with an alarming frequency. Why the subject of golf architecture in Australia is so prominent I do not know? Maybe it??s because JP and I have now traveled the world and are now back in the antipodes so people hit us up about it? Maybe it??s because design is a big part of what Golf-Is-All-About down here. Maybe they don??t have any better stories about late night antics and other tall tales? Result of all of this is that our day at Kennedy Bay has oft?? invited the question of ??what we thought of the course? So, rather than repeating myself over and over, here is my response. For those people in the real world who don??t give two hoots about how a golf course is designed, feel free to skip through to tomorrows blog written by JP which will have a flowery account of Lake Karrinyup undoubtedly filled with similies, metaphors and all of those other nice things your English teacher drummed into you at school. For the record, I pipped JP by one percentage point in final year English although there is a good story behind that too? Note to students studying for your final exams ?? don??t copy the NZQA model answer word for word in the exam. You??ll get a 0.
Ok before Kennedy Bay I have to mention my current abode which is a bed on Mr Sattler??s old potato farm in Tasmania, nestled amongst the sand dunes looking out across Bass Straight. We??ve just played Barnbougle Dunes. Barnbougle was, without a speckle of doubt, World Class Golf. It is a course which epitomises the word puregolf (and, Slambino, I know you??re wondering, Yes we Loved the 4th hole and the walk to the 5th was indeed one of The Walks of The Year).
Kennedy Bay? If I was a golf course architect and was handed the piece of land that is Kennedy Bay I would count my lucky stars and offer to design the course without a thought of asking for payment. Being handed this gig is the kind of invitation you dream about and will make one??s career. It??s like being dealt pocket aces at the world series of poker. Or like a socialite being invited to Wils and Kates wedding. Or Mike Clayton being asked to help out as Doak??s offsider at Barnbougle Needless to say Kennedy Bay is some golfing terrain. All the elements stack up ?? it is adjacent to the ocean, has a flat sandy base that was made for links golf, enjoys the consistency of ??the doctor?? blowing across the land from the West and has a series of medium sized dunes rolling across the terrain of the course. Perfect.
Naturally, Kennedy Bay was designed as a links track with a layout cut from the native ??Aussie Scrub??, with pot bunkers dug out at driving distance and with holes designed with the wind very much in mind. Michael Coote and Ian Baker Finch had the privilege of working on the design, the shaping and the development and then there was Kennedy Bay ?? one of Australia??s top tracks and one of the finest links in the land.
The pot bunkers at KBay are the real deal and the soil is firm so the ball was rolling and bounding all over the show. Walking down the first I felt strangely comfortable after spending so much time this year on the links of the UK. Links golf has a pull that is difficult to describe and I find myself regularly looking at photographs of the out ??n back layouts around the coast of Scotland.
My favourite hole at Kennedy Bay came early in the round at the short par three 3rd. A great wee hole played over a large hump in the ground, to a semi blind but relatively flat green that slopes away - a simple, tad old fashioned but incredibly classy start to the round.
From there, the course continued to impress in particular with it??s fairway bunkers and routing as holes flow in various directions around the coastline, and between the dunes. It was clearly a top class course in Aussie and the best course we??d played for at least a couple of weeks.
The greens were a real feature of the course as they were particularly challenging. Large and undulating they fitted the ??links mould??. Although most of them were also significantly elevated some 10 feet or so above the fairways. The opposite of the Coore/Crenshaw design where the green complexes are so understated you sometimes struggle to tell where fairway finishes and the green begins. The result of the elevated greens at Kennedy Bay is that it would be excruciatingly difficult a 14 handicapper ?? or a 3 handicapper come to think of it ?? particularly in the wind.
Getting the ball onto the green is a feat in itself. Let alone stopping it on an upturned green when the wind is blowing you off your feet. And if you miss? You??ve got to possess a seriously good short game. Like, even better than JP??s. So, unlike the traditional links courses around the world the greens and surrounding swales were too intense for me.
As the afternoon went on it was apparent that the locals were being continually beaten up by the greens as the pace of play went from slow to Very Slow. 2 hours ++ to play the back nine was a product of the hot day, the difficultly of the course, and the insistence to putt out every little putt. No gimmes down here!
The infrastructure at Kennedy Bay is simple and unpretentious. It??s just a golf course and a shack of a clubhouse. It??s a public course so there are the odd cart girls flying around offering you drinks but they are a far cry from the girls at TPC Sawgrass. I??d put up photos (of The World Famous Sawgrass Cart Girls) but lets keep excitement levels to a minimum. This is a kids show after-all. But the thing about Kennedy Bay is that it??s about the golf. And the golf is seriously good. Just make it a bit simpler next time.
It's 130am and we've just got in from Tasmania. Virgin Blue were delayed heavily so we're shattered after plenty of time in airports. The blog will be updated fully in the morning after I've had some sleep! But I'll share this with you - Barnbougle & Lost Farm are two absolute world class golf courses which epitomise "puregolf". It was an epic 36 hours in Tassie and a trip any keen golfer must take. Our trip was made possible by Mike Hauser and Simon Cummins - who kindly sponsored our flights courtesy of his company Golf Tourism Australia. More to follow on this..
But the news is that I've just checked Google Analytics and we've reached a milestone for the year....
and if you're interested in some other stats....
Until tomorrow - Good night. Tomorrow we're at Royal Melbourne and seeing our old mate the aussie Larrakin Matt Cleary who has also arranged for the cricketing run machine Hodgy to come out for a hit.
M
G'day from Melbourne! A quick travel log of our last 24 hours or so...
Monday 1700 (Perth time) - Wake from a one our power nap sleep with drool all over the pillow and feeling like I could sleep for another 25 hours but my macbook is making noises telling me to wake up and talk to Gretta.
1800 hours - downstairs for a guinness with our irish host Ned and his Glaswegian wife Georgia who have been fantastic hosts for us in WA. Feels like an eternity since we woke up early to play Royal Fremantle (top track write up to follow) and met the dignatories.
1900 hours - we're out to dinner with Ned and Georgia celebrating their wedding anniversary. 43rd if I am not mistaken. Two days straight we've got in the middle of wedding anniversaries...
2000 hours - the first Gordon Ramsay kitchen nightmares moment at an Italian restaurant in Fremantle. Everything that can go wrong does. It's so bad it's comical. Orders forgotten. Kitchen 'malfunctions'. No apologies. One wrong order arrives. Two hungry boys looking at one another whilst myself Ned and Georgia have well and truly finished eating. And then eventually one of the most bizarre excuses for a pizza you've ever seen. We eventually escape back to pack our bags.
2100 hours - the car is packed and we've bid a sad farewell to Georgia. WA has been a special few days.
2150 hours: I'm running down the road to the terminal to check us in with Jetstar. They've kindly waived any excess baggage but we still must check in 30 minutes before our flight and Ned is stuck in the car amidst a 20 minute long que to drive around to the drop off point. The boys make it with our luggage just in time.
2240 hours: Our plan departs Perth - the time in Melbourne is 140am.
0510 hours (Melbourne time) - we arrive in Melbourne. In The Twilight Zone.
0545 hours - we're trying to sleep on the floor of the airport. Hundreds of smartly dressed businessmen and women are striding past us to catch their early morning flights shaking their head at the vagabonds.
0640 hours - Mike Hauser kindly picks us up from the airport and we head into Melbourne City. What a fantastic city it is. We make it to his work and have a quick coffee. The Best Coffee I've drunk for months and months it's great to be back downunder.
0830 hours - we arrive at the Heritage Club to play the Henley Course. Unshaven, and tired would be an understatement. A quick shower, another coffee and we're teeing off at 920 with the course to ourselves. Not a bad way to wake up!
Write ups of the courses to follow, but until tomorrow... take care.
MG
Post script - tomorrow we're up at 545am for another flight - this time to Tassie. Barnbougle Dunes and Lost Farm beckon. We've heard plenty about them and Can't Wait.
I knew very little about The Cut prior to our foray down Australia??s west coast to Port Bouvard. To me it sounded like one of those innocuously named drinking establishments, where the proprietor after having come out of a local Polytechnic with a marketing degree conjured something utterly brilliant to them and them alone. However as always I kept an open mind. Which as we all know is dangerous, because people inevitably insist on putting things in it.
Georgia put together a packed lunch that the Queen herself would??ve been pleased to unravel on a balmy summer afternoon at Balmoral. To keep the bounty from decay we used one of those little chilly bins on wheels that looks like a suitcase Frodo Baggins might take on his holidays to The Ritz Middle Earth. At first I??d gathered the intention was to wheel this fing ??round the course ?? which might well ??ave attracted sideways glances, perhaps even ridicule, from the militant kangaroos marshalling proceedings. Thankfully however Ned pulled The Golden Chariot into a wee side road near The Cut that instead took us down to the point where Australian meets Indian. What a gorgeous spot for a picnic it was too. In true vagrant fashion we opened up the boot of the Chariot and sat on the tray, munching down ham and cheese rolls with the enthusiasm of a thousand Oliver Twists as a pod of dolphins meandered by. Georgia had packed mango cake into the care package too, so we were well fed and slightly comatose by the time we rolled out of the car. An ideal preparation.
Grant is the human responsible for all things golf at The Cut (ugly matters such as F&B and accommodation he leaves to less fortunate souls). Grant is also ?? as the ??Strayans might say ?? a bloody good bloke. This is a phrase that??s thankfully disappeared from my vernacular in recent months, having crept in on the back of 80 days of desert exploration earlier this year. Semantics aside, y??er man would charm the clothes even the most ardent of lesbians. After a brief chat chat and argument about whether or not we should take carts, we started chasing the little rabbit.
No less than 7 balls were struck from between the black plates before it was safe to venture onwards. Ned??s first blow was particularly amusing to the rest of us, although less so to Himself. To the right of the fairway is a stretch of snake ridden brush; to the right of that is an apartment block and swimming pool below. Had someone been swimming at the time they might well have been knocked out cold by Ned??s Titleist 2. If the green lay at North on the compass, Ned??s tee shot took a course of East North East (nigh on due East by The End). At times like these one wonders whether they know the victim will enough to burst into deep lung laughter. I decided quickly that I did, and so commenced a Gallus Giggle.
The opening hole itself is in truth one of the better ones we??ve come across in recent months, save for the green (which has all the charm of a bad joke). Still it??s a cracker, similar in a way to the first at New south Wales ?? except it climbs to the left, not the right. By the time your legs carry off the back of the green to the next tee an impression starts to form in your mind that The Cut isn??t going to be a gentle walk.
Any traces of lethargy though soon give way to humility. The Injun Ocean opens up before your eyes in all its deep blue splendour. Immediately as an insignificant human being In The Scheme Of Things one feels small and of less consequence than a falling leaf. I must confess the next thing that entered my head was a Great White Shark ?? and a wonder as to how many were circling in those waters in the hope of a tasty meal. Opportunists that they are.
As we paced down the path from the 2nd tee Ned was sharing a tale as he does from time to time. When he retired, Ned threw his mobile phone ceremonially into a river. How liberating that must feel. If we all pause for a moment??s introspection I dare say each and every one of us has been tempted by the same prospect. Ned did it and good on him. I like a man that??s moved by his eccentricities and convictions.
Adjacent to the 2nd fairway is an ominously empty apartment block, no doubt now selling at circa 40% discounted rates. Sign o?? the times. On such a confrontingly beautiful stretch of coastline how sad it is that someone??s gone to the trouble of erecting a big white plastic box only for no one to make it their home.
From the 5th to the 9th The Cut takes you through the houses that have actually found owners. Miraculously though these holes weren??t contrived or mere money spinners ?? as so often can be the case with such developments ?? but rather well designed creatures in their own right. The par 5 5th was particularly good we thought.
10 may be one of the hardest par 4s in Australia: a sod of a hole that snakes through a corridor of snake territory. More terrifying than the hole itself was the dragoon of Little Rascals using the tee for a recreational game of bull rush. We asked politely whether they'd relinquish their playground for a a few moments while we teed off; mercifully they obliged but that didn't stop them ridiculing our Kiwi accents as we hit away. "I'm beached bro!". "That didn't even get past the blues..." Tykes.
From 11 onwards ?? right to the finish ?? it??s fairly breathtaking stuff. Fun too, especially if you have the Director of Golf to tell you where to hit it. Grant played the kind of golf I like to watch and wish more people would play ?? walk up, have a quick waggle and strike without delay. Not even a faint suggestion of hesitation. Lo and behold his methods worked wonders too, his score probably being close to par (on a course where peril along with death and taxes becomes the only certainty in life).
Coming down the stretch a happy glow gripped my face. The sort of happy glow that??s only found when cold beer, hot sun and a good links track come together as naturally as Adam and Eve. Despite the carefree look in the eyes of two score kangaroos lining the 18th fairway, I knew in that moment that life for us must be better than it is for them. Because We have links golf.
JP
Jetlag hasn??t troubled us overly this year, but on this hot Wednesday morning in Perth we found ourselves fairly and squarely in The Twilight Zone. As usual Bart and me ended up in bed together; Mike had his own suite upstairs at Chateau Stokes, of course. Both The Gaffer and I started to make movements towards our packs, to get suited up suitably for the day ahead. Pyjamas off, golf shirts and shorts on. Only was something wasn??t quite right. I had a Matrix Moment.
Looking back at Bartos I asked him why we??d got up; hard the alarm actually gone off? He looked at his watch and saw it was 6.20am ?? the iPhone wasn??t scheduled to disturb our coma until 0800 hours. Ha! We??d obviously just taken it as given from the other??s movements that It Was Time To Rise. Back to bed then... Goldy burst through our door some half an hour later, and found us dozing away fully (golf) clothed. He too thought we were running late, and that it must be time to get up. I explained what had happened, and that he too had got himself confused. So y??er man buzzed off and we all snatched a crucial extra hour of shut eye. Much drool found its way onto my pillow (sorry Mrs. Stokes!).
Over breakfast with Ned & Georgia we weren??t much chat, but did our best. Each of us looked worse than the other ?? like we??d been on a 72 hour bender in Vegas and not held back one bit. How encouraging it was though that I summoned the coordination to get the cornflakes from the bowl into my mouth. Without falling asleep while the spoon was half way through its journey north.
Today??s golf was not your ordinary affair either. Sam Hartrick a chief champ boss captain skipper from the Aussie PGA ?? who??d helped us out with a game or two earlier in the year around Melbourne ?? dropped us a note a few days back. Want to play in the Australian Seniors Open Pro Am at Royal Perth on Thursday lads? Why not... ??Fresh? after a 3am landing we found ourselves at the golf club around 8 hours later. There we met Sam in person for the first time; had a chat with Channel 10 for a news piece; and spotted a few legends of the game on the putting green (Lyle, Torrance, Woosie, Chook Fowler, Terry Giles, etc). Oh, and it was 38 degrees Celsius.
Baker Finch was on the microphone inside talking to a gathering of adoring lady fans. Granted, for an Australian, he has a rather endearing brogue. When he was hitting balls on the range next to me some 15 minutes later though I didn??t feel the need to tell him so. (Pardon me: I should say, when I was hitting balls next to him...). Nor did I ask him about his careless misplacement of The Plot after the heights of his success. No folks I just watched with interest and an ounce or two of admiration as he pelted a few iron shots down the way.
Unusually Michael and me were split up ?? which both of us with the best of intentions would say made for a nice change. I was teamed up with Terry Giles ?? West Australian farmer turned legend of golf ?? and a couple of tremendous humans named Tim and Keith I can only assume by their respective parents. Tim being a sales guy for Avis Car Rentals (a sponsor) and Keith being a Wakefielder who has made his home in Queenstown of all places. Terry also had a formiddable caddy in the form of Val, a member at Royal Perth and from what I could gather a very competent golfer more or less of his vintage. In typical ??Strayan fashion he flirted the whole way around with Val by showering her with false abuse. Funny creatures these ??Strayans.
In the heat we did the best we could. Which didn??t happen to be that good. I too was having a good old tussle with the 626 million flies that had found their way from the desert to Royal Perth courtesy of the hot East Wind. Giving it the Perth Wave an?? aw that. My new friends seemed to be amused by my epic struggle ?? noting that this was a pretty mild day on the fly front ?? but I took no notice of their ridicule and concentrated on the battle at hand. Apparently these particular flies are especially fond of moisture too (go figure), so they go straight for moist areas like your mouth and eyes. Excellent.
The course itself was tighter than most Wellington law clerks, which I can assure you is very tight indeed. Having just spent a week in the deserts of Dubai and Abu Dhabi ?? where there are no trees ?? this was something of a shock. Mediocre shots were punished more punitively than very poor ones, in the sense that going a fairway either side of the correct one wasn??t necessarily the end of the world. It was all academic though because we played an Irish Stableford (take the best tee shot of the bunch and play out from there, taking the two best scores each hole). While Tim, Keith and I peppered the gums Terry would step up and deliver another gun barrel straight blow. He even appeared bored by his straightness, almost as if he longed to hit an errant shot. Either that or in his head he was cursing at having been paired with such a thicket of talentless nitwits. It takes a while to gauge Terry I found, but after a while (i.e. once you feel comfortable enough to start slagging him off) he lowers his guard. When he laughed at a shanked 9 iron I hit on one of the par 3s I knew we were friends...
Ned very kindly walked around the course and offered words of encouragement (it would have been hard for him to offer words of congratulations...). Amazingly he got sick of watching us play after a hole or two, and instead chose instead to watch hackers like Woosnam and Torrance embarrass themselves. Word is Woosie was looking good. But the answer is Melville...Alfie Melville, of course.
After a delightful few hours in the company of my new friends I found myself under the comforting shade of the clubhouse deck. Cold beer and deli snacks were being served up to an ever growing contingent of sun battered golfers. We chatted some more; surveyed the talent; and managed to escape before the dreaded prizegiving and accompanying speeches got under way. Result.
One big thank you must to go Sammy Hartrick and Royal Perth for allowing us the privilege of lowering the tone at the Pro Am. Ditto to Ned for being good enough to, well, feed us, house us, ferry us around, and not laugh at our golf. And a personal thank you to my playing partners for being such good company despite my jetlagged state of consciousness. ??Twas indeed a grand (albeit blurry) episode of puregolf2010.
Georgia then made the best cheesecake ever made, which we demolished without hesitation out on the deck under the Fremantle evening sun. Not bad ay?
JP
Good morning from a scorching hot Perth where the mercury is tipping 39 today while we are heading out to The Cut Golf Course south of Perth. First a morning of blogging and other duties beckons..
And so a quick update on the response to our Homecoming Birdie Challenge.
So far we have 10 people pledging a combined $53 per birdie and $215 per eagle to The First Tee during our last 31 days of golf in Aotearoa. Not a bad start, but we're hoping many more of you jump on board! There is no amount too big or small, we'd just love to have as many people involved as possible.
Now it's back to my 'imovie' application.
M
Well well, it has been a while since a decent blog has been forthcoming so here are a few thoughts about a few recent days golfing in Abu Dhabi.
Our time in the UAE was like a holiday. We??ve stayed in one place for the week ?? with Martha and Bill Wong ?? and we played much of our golf with our new mate Chris Turlik.
The infrastructure around Dubai and Abu Dhabi is incredible. The road system is efficient (one road has about 16 lanes rivaling the engineering brilliance of the New Jersey turnpike) and the port is so huge it is one three man made structures that can be seen from the moon (guess the other two comment below). The development going on around Dubai and Abu Dhabi also blows the mind of anyone from the antipodes; there are more cranes in the tiny Emirates of Dubai and Abu Dhabi as there would be in Australasia.
One night Bill & Martha took us to Atlantis ?? a hotel on the top of The Palm. The Palm is a stretch of reclaimed land off the Dubai coast which, from above, is the shape of a palm. The entire palm has been developed into high rise apartments, villas and hotels such that you could probably fit the population of Wellington onto this tiny piece of reclaimed land. The Atlantis Hotel on the tip is immense. Immense is also a word to describe the fill-your-boots-buffet which Bart dominated through 7 strong rounds and subsequently ??is talking?? about going on a diet.
Bill and Martha were absolutely fantastic hosts so thank you guys for making last week truly special. Staying in Dubai was a welcome respite to our heavy travel schedule and we all enjoyed both the comfort of your place and the heavy dose of banter that followed.
During our week or so in the UAE we had three days of golf in Abu Dhabi which I am going to share in this blog. Abu Dhabi is about a one hour drive from the Dubai Marina and so, for those traveling to the area on a golfing trip, the courses in Abu Dhabi are very much accessible for a daily excursion. The three tracks we played in Abu Dhabi were all very different: the Kyle Phillips designed Yas Links; the Abu Dhabi City Club built in a race track; and the Abu Dhabi National Golf Club with it??s falcon clubhouse arching proudly over the closing holes.
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A week ago the words Abu Dhabi didn??t mean much to me. I knew it was near Dubai, I presumed it was similarly hot and knew that there was a little cricket played there.
Whilst Abu Dhabi is not as developed as the (much smaller) Emirate of Dubai, the potential, plans and recent progress in Abu Dhabi blow your mind. Abu Dhabi is an oil rich Emirate ?? an asset which the Sheik controls. On more than one occasion we were told how the proceeds from the daily sales of oil (speculated at 300-400 million) all go into his personal bank account which where he takes his quite considerable share and returns the rest to the producing companies. So when the Sheik decides to get something done ?? it??s fair to say he has the cashflow to make it happen. So when Dubai was eventually hit by the GFC last year much of the financing was propped up by Abu Dhabi. Now the 800m high, tallest building in the world, in the centre of Dubai is named after the Sheik ?? the Burj Khalifa.
Two things stood out both in Abu Dhabi and Dubai. The first was the relative standard of living. New cars populate the streets, conversations on and off the course relate to ??home help?? and no one ever complains about the cost of fuel or power! There is no income tax here, although if you are partial to a night out you??ll be hit in another way through the significant excise tax on alcohol.
The second is the scale of development going on. All around as you look upwards there are cranes dotting the sky busy at work, there are roads being built, a huge sports complex big enough to hold the Olympic games is in motion and entire islands are being developed.
Yas Links
Our first course in Abu Dhabi was the Yas Links on day 314. The Yas Links is on Yas Island which is about 15 minutes north of the city of Abu Dhabi and has just had a huge weekend hosting the F1. The F1 track rips around the border of the golf course and with the newly developed Ferrari World also adjacent this is a place of petrol heads dreams. Over the weekend some entertainers also turned up, some by the name of Kanye, Linkin Park, Prince and some private gig at the clubhouse with Nelly Furtado.
The Emirates are using sport as a tool to attract international visitors and judging from what we saw around the F1 track and the ??sports city?? development in Dubai they don??t do things by halves.
Despite being close to the action the Yas Links as actually a very peaceful setting as the course winds its way along a sharp blue inlet of water. Yas is aptly described on it??s website:
??The first Links golf course in the Middle East region. The first designed by Kyle Phillips, one of the world??s leading golf course designers. The first opportunity to experience the unique traditions of the game.
An eighteen-hole course, a nine-hole academy course, clubhouse, golf academy and floodlit practice facilities, set against dramatic views of the Arabian Gulf??the course combines unparalleled visual glory with the thrill of golf??s ultimate test.?
We played as a three ball with Bart whilst Chris Turlik joined us for a drive around the last few holes. Chris, like the Wongs have been a huge part of our Emirate leg which we are hugely grateful for!
Back to Yas ?? and the point I was going to make is that it really impressed all of us. Despite its immaturity (it??s less than 6 months old) the course plays surprisingly well and not too dissimilarly from designer Kyle Phillips?? other links courses we??ve played. The secret to this is the strain of grass that withstands the middle east heat - Pospalum. Unlike Bermuda it does not have grain and can be cut down to make the course play hard and fast. Mind you, only a brave man tries a bump and run shot as the grass does have a habit of gripping your ball. The prevailing wind often gets up and with a wide open windswept expanse you??d be hard pressed to call this Target Golf. But Phillips has used the land available here well - as each nine of the course runs out and back to the clubhouse there are breathtaking views of both the natural beauty of the gulf and the man made structures around like Ferrari World (see below).
8 holes play along the water with a number of greens on precipices and so it was a step up from our opening day of golf in Dubai at Al Badia. You needed to be on song with driver as it was tight - the long native grasses off the fairway are menacing and of course, the water is always looming.
There have already been some problems with erosion around the greens but I??m sure if the development company Eldar (state owned and with head offices pictured below) can build Ferrari World next door they??ll have no problems with a few retaining walls to protect the greens.
The greens are, in Kyle Phillips style, entertaining to say the least and provide a constant headache. The undulations were more playable though in these conditions where the ball can, if your skill allows, grip on the greens and be stopped on a dime.
The Yas Links would be one of the most expensive golf courses to build that we??ve played as they needed to dredge the estuary to create the landscape and then of course shape the course. It??s also not cheap to get a game here so we were very grateful for their hospitality. Whilst Yas is a world away from the old Scottish links courses, it is a solid design, a picturesque course in great nick and definitely falls firmly towards the top of the ??recommend?? list.
Abu Dhabi City Golf Course
Contrasting with Yas was the Abu Dhabi City golf course, a 9 hole course built within the race track. Musselburgh style.
We were playing AD City as part of a tournament being run by Chris called the International Pairs. Chris is running a number of such events in the UAE and so if you??re reading this from that part of the world I suggest entering!
Chris was up and at the course by about 630am, so fortunately we were offered a ride down the road with Bill??s driver. Meant some time for some admin as we headed the 100km or so South from Dubai. Although his phone rang no fewer than 50 times during the journey ?? with one of those particularly annoying ring tones. After incoming call number 20 we found ourselves holding our lips so as to not laugh each time that familiar tune began?. The good fortune of not driving this week was really noticeable - we??ve gone from driving hundreds of km per week, every week of the year to 0.
At the club we met the captain, skipper Craig, An English lad out here teaching who proved to be great fun. It took all of about 2 minutes for the banter (read abuse of Nu Zillin accent) to begin and the stories to flow. I was popping out from the table every 10 minutes or so to keep tabs on the cricketers who??ve been inspirational with their efforts in India.
Making up the four was Jamie, an Australian chap working in Abu Dhabi as an engineer. Small world has it that his wife used to work with some of my colleagues back in NZ? Took all of about 3 holes for the Aussie jokes to come out too. Jamie didn??t help himself mind you with a couple of the most ridiculous 3 putts from 4 feet causing laughs all around.
The AB City club is, like Musselburgh, a 9 hole course through the racetrack but unlike it??s Scottish counterpart here the race track represented Out of Bounds. So it??s tight. And short. And the greens are rock hard and tiny and drove everyone mad at some time or another.
JP and I weren??t playing in the tournament but we did manage a combined 9 birdies, each on different holes so our best ball stableford score hit 46? Probably had something to do with the GPS in the carts (quality) and the smooth putting greens (also Pospallan).
After the round all the locals showed us a good time and we even drank some strange luminescent green concoction of sorts. After a few words thanking the organisers for having us (eg Chris T!) we found ourselves chatting about our trip with expats from all across the world who play their golf here. We even met a Kiwi chap called Murray. Good times.
Abu Dhabi National GC
It was with great excitement that we headed out to the Abu Dhabi GC on day 320 of puregolf2010. Again we were playing with Chris T and our excitement levels were high as in a few hours time we were to play night golf in Dubai at the Emirates club. But first things first this track was laid out before us - the host of the Abu Dhabi Golf Championships on the European tour formerly won by Paul Casey, Martin Kaymer and Chris DiMarco.
So this was a championship lay out and played as such with a series of water and sand freckled across the mammoth 7000+ yard layout. The courses here need to be huge as the ball flies so far in the heat and there is a lack of wind. We chose to walk which was a brave decision considering our hectic schedule for the upcoming day but proved to be a good way to see the course. You get a better feel of the track when you walk as opposed to getting in and out of carts all day - particularly when it's cart path only - you completely lose your senses.
It was the 4th match where Chris and I paired up against JP and Bart. At 2-0 down the constant chipper from the lads was becoming as predictable as our daily golfing fix. It was unrelenting. But after we restored some pride at the Els Club with a half we were determined to put up a fight today. And so we did courtesy of some solid play, a Chris T magic pitch in for a birdie 2, and some fatiguing kiwi boys. JP resorted to lying down on the fairways (no press-ups this time), almost willing the white flag to sprout from within him.
One other thing occurred today which happened a few times in Abu Dhabi. And that was that mid-round the echos of prayer washed across the golf course the drone from the mosque filling the air and reminding you exactly where you were!
As we came up both the 9th and 18th holes the falcon shaped clubhouse looked down upon us. Intimidating and yet impressive. The clubhouse was once built facing the other way with the falcon facing the carpark. The sheik didn't like this. So the thing was entirely rebuilt facing 180 degrees in the opposite direction. As you do in Abu Dhabi where things aren't 'commercial or non-commercial', they just get done.
Thats all for now folks, pictures to be added in the morning but again a huge thank you to Chris T and the golfing community in Dubai and Abu Dhabi for making the week possible!
16.30 hours: Goldy sinks a(nother) raker on the 18th at Abu Dhabi National GC to conclude a quality round of golf. Good wee track, nice to walk for a change (cart paths only, with the HSBC coming up in January). Electrolytes running low.
18.30: Gargantuan BBQ feed at the Turliks' house under the warm blanket of a Dubai evening. Corona has never tasted so good. Chris despite his Welshness can actually cook too (sausages done to perfection).
19.45: Off to bed for a couple hours' shut eye. Deep, deep coma.
23.00: When Bart wakes me up my body refuses and gives him the proverbial finger. He shakes me once more and eventually I acquiesce. We each grab a ginger beer and march to the truck. It's golf time.
23.30: Under floodlights we find our carts and hit a few practice pitches. Not a soul at The Emirates Club, other than our four, the odd greenkeeper and Andy an affable northerner who's kindly agreed to stay longer and turn the lights off behind us. (The Emirates Club agreed to leave the lights on especially for us, requiring a generator and extra staff - LIFESAVERS!). The Dubai skyline is lit up brilliantly in the background.
00.00: Tee off. Ball's surprisingly easy to see (provided you stay on the right hole). Goldy and I have a cart each; Chris and Bart are in the 3rd craft. They're holding pins, raking bunkers and generally being legends. Well, Chris was anyway...
1.00: Front nine done (back nine of the Faldo Course, as it happens). JP 2up. Very enjoyable stuff this.
2.00: Finitto. 2 hours flat, on the dot. JP wins 5 & 3.
2.20: Back in bed, trying desperately to sleep once more. Doesn't take too much effort and before I know it...
7.00: Turlik's mug pokes itself into Bart & my room (seems we're always sharing...). Battle stations; time to pack.
8:00: We're out the door and bound for Dubai Airport...
8.30: Battleaxe of an airline official picks a fight with puregolf2010. Over something so petty as "baggage allowance". We're suitably unimpressed but as per usual roll with The Emirati Punches. Our entire time in the UAE has been filled with quite wonderful people, and the last person we're interacting with on Emirati soil is a tyrant. Fortunately one bad apple doesn't spoil the barrel in this case. Anyway we re-pack 26 kilos of luggage into our hand luggage and proceed on our merry way. How arbitrary...
10.15: At last we board our plane only to realise that it's half full. Effectively then we're flying business class, in the sense that we have a row of 4 seats each to ourselves. Lie down, have an OJ, and commence reading. Time passes by without any hassle. I watch a movie on the life of Che Guevara (Chevolution), a documentary on 500 Great Football Goals, and listen to a couple of operas Carmen and one by Puccini (La Boheme?). With only a few hours to go we crack open a Heinken and play some cards on the floor at the front of the cabin. I end up as Scum which is not a title to which I'm accustomed. After only a couple of games an officious eastern european hostess tells us it's against Emirates policy for passengers to sit on the floor (despite the fact that the plane's empty). Of course it is. The other hostess, from Greenock no less, was much more affable and indeed not unstriking. We prefer to chat to her.
2.30: We land on Australian soil for the first time since 10 May. Customs doesn't present any problems and before we know it we're in the back seat of Ned Stokes car - our new friend (an Irish expat from Limerick) who has kindly opened his door to us for the week. Seems like a legend of a human being. And just like that the next leg is upon us.
What a week it??s been over here in the UAE. Hard to believe that we??re finally here after months of ??sure, we??re heading through Dubai later in the year?. Even harder to believe that our time on Emirati soil (read: sand) is almost over! Below are a few, condensed reflections on The UAE Leg thus far (Mike??s going to pen a few words focusing on Abu Dhabi in particular).
1. We have a love triangle of Fairy Godparents to which we owe a huge debt of gratitude. (I use the term ??love triangle? loosely, and only because there are three ??fairies?, to be clear). Martha & Bill Wong have gone out of their way to make us feel like royalty ?? housing, feeding and entertaining us as if we were their own. 2 days before we boarded the plane in Glasgow we had no accommodation organised for our 8 days in Dubai. Martha (a friend of a friend of a friend) came to our rescue with no questions asked. Since she picked us up from the airport at 2am in the morning Martha has ferried us around Dubai, fed us at home and at lavish eateries, and generally mothered us with faultless compassion. Staying at Chateau Wong has recharged our batteries beyond belief. It??s also been a true pleasure to sit and chat with Martha and Bill ?? who hail originally from Singapore ?? about All And Sundry; amusing to realise that despite coming from a cultural landscape so different to my own, and being a good few years my senior, both are in many ways Just Like Yours Truly. ??Poor sods? I hear you cry. Their generosity has been mind blowing to say the least.
2. The third wheel in The puregolf2010 UAE Leg Love Triangle is one Mr. Chris Turlik. An Englishman (of sorts), no less. He has of his own volition taken care of all our golf needs in the UAE, and even joined us for a couple of games himself. (Poor bugger has teamed up with Goldy on both occasions and unsurprisingly found himself on the losing side...ha!). After what sounds like an interesting path woven through the hotel management industry (he worked on the QEII) Chris has spent the last decade or so in golf, most recently as GM at The Emirates Club for 8 years. Now he??s running his own business organising events, one of which we played in down the road in Abu Dhabi (great craic ?? Goldy will tell all). The Man Himself has had us ??round to his place for BBQ and rugby viewing; driven us to and from our golf fixtures; and generally been A Tremendous Human Being. He??s even thinking of coming over to Auckland for our event at The Grange instead of going to a U2 concert in Melbourne! Encouragement please...
3. Wealth takes on a new meaning here. Granted it??s Abu Dhabi that has all the oil (i.e. cash) but Dubai has grabbed the bull by the horns and Made It Happen. How surreal it is to see a city that??s sprung up with such urgency in just a decade or two. Skyscraper upon skyscraper; construction at every corner. Without these concrete peaks it??d be hard to get your bearings here, because the desert is so dam flat. They also have the ??biggest X, the fastest Y, the longest Z? and so on and so forth. An Emirate of superlatives. And rich, rich ??locals? (ironically in the minority). Everyone has a new car (SUVs are par for the course, especially Range Rovers and Porsche Cayennes); it seems most have maids (Bill & Martha??s Burmese maid is to washing and ironing what Roger Federer is to tennis); and there??s a general consensus that quality of life over here is unparalleled. A long way from little old Nu Zillin...
4. Golf here is a past time for the wealthy, but everyone??s wealthy so everyone plays. The clubhouses are fantasies that only in this dream world could come to being. At Al Badia GC ?? which we played on our first day here ?? every imaginable luxury was available to the sweaty golfer. Cucumber infused iced water for me took the cake though ?? simple but heavenly. It??s very much a case of resort golf too, in the sense that you always hit range balls before play and take a cart out on course. Lazy man??s golf. An unfortunate offshoot of this complacency is the lack of etiquette observed by many: bunkers not raked and pitch marks not replaced. Word is half of these folks see themselves as above such menial tasks. Luckily no one we??ve played with has fallen in this camp.
5. Bermuda greens are dam near impossible to putt on. In fact not near, just plain impossible. How those tour players sink putts for their living week in, week out on the Asian PGA Tour or in Florida I??ll never know. The paspallum grass used as an alternative is much less disagreeable in my books. In any case there??s no excuses because the conditioning out here is, well, hard to believe. Despite recent overseeding we??ve still been blown away.
6. Because all the courses are relatively new, they??ve been designed with modern technology in mind. So the black tees are real black tees, often a good wedge away from the whites. And given we masochists play as far back as we can, we??ve been hitting a lot of mid- to long iron second shots. Not many birdies then...and plenty of bunker practice.
7. During an average round you??ll pass 30-60 staff members on the cart paths, none of whom seem to ever do anything. Can??t fault their manners though ?? among the smiliest demographic I??ve ever come across. But they must just drive around and ??round. Full employment an?? all that innit.
8. Waste bunkers are not provided for in the R&A Rules Of The Game, and as such should be used only in such extra-terrestrial domains as the moon.
9. November must be just about the best time of year to come here, weather wise. It??s been between 25 and 32 the whole time; for someone who grew up in Scotland, any hotter and golf??s not pleasant. And for a trio that??ve just come from Glasgow in November, well...??nuff said. At last we??ve started absorbing Vitamin D once more.
10. Cart paths carry off-line tee shots even further astray. I love it how sometimes you just know as soon as you??ve struck the ball that it??s going to career into the concrete and bounce 20 feet in the air. Despite that sense of inevitability you still plead with your ball ??don??t you f#@$ing dare.? But it dares. Long story short: don??t like cart paths.
12. The Majlis Course at The Emirates Club is the best course here if you ask me. Long and classy, it plays host to the upcoming Dubai Desert Class tournament. Golf World lists it as one of the Top 100 Courses in The World too. Fair dinkum.
11. Henrik Stenson despite being Swedish is rather good. We played the front 9 at The Els Club with him yesterday, and he took it apart like a Jack Russell takes apart a brand new pair of shoes. A cool 7 under through 9 (having made disappointing par 3s at the short holes). I parred the first 8 holes and was 6 down! Hits the ball two country miles too... As much as it pains me to say it, his company was tremendous too ?? a sound balance of banter and insight. When I told him about the birdie challenge we??re jacking up for December (have you signed up yet?), he then asked, ??so you??re hoping to raise a good $50 then?? Put me in my place. At all day he was. But then I had the last laugh when I interviewed him: a wee snippit of which you??ll see soon. Anyway, great lad and rather good golfer.
Friends, just a quick note. After a wonderful morning putting the world to rest with my wise friend (and benevolent host) Bill Wong, I've now turned my mind at last to golf.
And realised that I'm about to play at The Els Club with Henrik Stenson (winner of, among other tournaments, The TPC Players Championship - i.e. 5th major). It's more than a little bit exciting. But do you know the best part about it? I'm going to beat him!
Stay tuned for the full match report later this evening. I look forward to bringing you the good news.
JP
wake up Fife. Drive glasgow. golf at Knightswood. fly to Dubai. Arrive 2am. Sleep for a few hours and then up for some desert golf not missing a day of golf. too easy
Chisholm Park
12 holes bart cape kidnappers christchurch christmas doak ed bayley hawke's bay heretaunga jane poole napier golf club new zealand puregolf2010 rangiora rarangi gc royal royal wellington the first tee the interislander waiohiki
