The most magnificent links in...the world

Posted by Jamie on 3 September 2010 | 2 Comments | Tags: Royal County Down, Northern Ireland, Co Down, links, Walker Cup

At last, Royal County Down.  When journalists asked us right back in early January which course we were looking forward to playing the most, my answer was RCD.  For several reasons, really �?? but one in particular: my grandfather played his golf here before emigrating to Nu Zillin, and he�??s bent my ear ad nauseum about just how good it is for as long as I can remember.  About his beloved Royal County Down.  There are paintings of the course hanging in their house (most notably of the par 3 4th, the painting of which I think was gifted by his pals before he defected); The Good Doctor wears his sand coloured RCD sweater often and with pride; and I�??ve heard enough about the club�??s jealously guarded history to be able to write a comprehensive volume on the subject myself.  

I was always too young to be taken down for a game; then, just as I was getting competent enough my parents whisked me away to the other side of the world �?? before I got a chance to play it.  Och poor me, having to live in beautiful Nu Zillin, I hear you cry.  Well, fair enough.  But missing out on RCD has nonetheless left a residual itch that needed to be scratched.  So I wrote to Alan Hewitt, Secretary of RCD, to ask whether I could scratch it.  He didn�??t know quite what to make of the scratch metaphor, but he was kind enough in any event to allow Michael and myself the courtesy of the course (NB: Grandpa, I�??ve used �??myself�?� there instead of �??me�?�, just to keep you on your toes, because I know 1. You�??ll be reading this blog; and 2. How much you detest erroneous grammar).  

Grandpa lined up one of his old pals, Des Browne, to join us on the day.  He�??s the wee fella you�??ll see pictured in Mike�??s slide show.  Small in stature but big in character; he was getting well stuck in at every opportunity.  In very un-Irish fashion he appears to have held onto a grudge for some 15 years or so: when he was playing in the group in front over in Portnoo, I caught one out of the middle unexpectedly and my ball bounded past him.  Memory of the scandal escapes me, but I�??m quite sure I would�??ve jogged up there to apologise.  In any case Des hasn�??t forgotten.

Des arranged for his mate Bill to join us too.  Bill�??s a retired policeman (who, as it happens, pioneered the use of the Identikit technology in Nor�??n Ireland) and uses his finely honed detective skills each time he plays golf to find more balls than he loses.  It�??s uncanny; every time he ventured into the long stuff he�??d emerge with a handful.  Maybe his height helps (he looks particularly tall standing next to Desmond).  Oh one other thing about Bill: he was an Irish international 400 metre runner.  A whippit.  Nowadays his speed and his hearing may have deserted him, but his sense of humour hasn�??t.  Nor his putting (which was just as well because he was my partner).

Our commute to the golf course wasn�??t a long one, given The Slieve Donard Hotel had been kind enough to put us up there for the past couple of nights.  Ideal, really.  Mike�??s already told you about the fine welcome we received from Tom Cotter, and how comfortable our stay has been.  But I�??d like to pitch in with a very big thank you to Tom & the Hotel myself: it was a real treat to stay at The Slieve, one of the most comfortable and friendly hotels I�??ve had the pleasure of experiencing.  Ah the breakfast...  Friends of puregolf2010, a word if I may.  If you �?? as you well should �?? decide it�??s high time to experience the best links golf course in the world, then The Slieve is where you want to rest your head and fill your belly.  You�??re 50 yards from the club; have world class spa facilities at your disposal; there are views of the Mourne Mountains, the course and the beach that will bring tears to your eyes; and you will not believe it when you see the breakfast buffet (included in your room tariff).  It�??s sublime.

I pulled the curtains open like you pry open an exam results bearing envelope �?? with grave apprehension.  Was it raining?  Had Mr. Gale decided to make an unwelcome cameo?  NOT A BIT OF IT!  Sure the sun always shines in Nor�??n Ireland, and on RCD in particular.  Not a cumulus or a nimbus or a cumulonimbus or a stratus or even a cirrus in sight (see, I was paying attention in 3rd year geography!).  Just Big Blue.  What a welcome sight.  I�??ll admit to dancing around the room with glee, waking up me mate from one of his comas (he sleeps deeply).  There was only one thing for it: time for a celebratory carb load downstairs.  Soda bread, potato bread, porridge with a healthy nip of Bushmills whiskey (it�??s laid out, I didn�??t bring my own), fruit, yoghurt, bacon & eggs.  Smashing.

Our good hosts were waiting expectantly for us in the car park (it would�??ve taken less time to walk from the Hotel than it did to drive around): �??get your feet on boys we�??re teeing off in 10 minutes!�?� barked Desmond in his best ex-bank manager brogue.  There was precious little time for coffee or niceities; hell we only got 3 or 4 practice putts to get used to The Glass.  Game on.

I was pleased to have drawn Bill, because 1. He�??s meant to be a good putter; and 2. I knew I could quite happily wind Des up all morning (and he�??d give it back with interest).  Thankfully we were teeing off in the block allocated for members, so there were no 4 balls of over zealous foreigners who would no doubt be savouring each one of their 126 strokes.  And the sun continued to gaze down at us, uninterrupted by cloud or wind.  You couldn�??t hope to catch Royal County Down on a better day.

The photos in Mike�??s little video will tell the story, so I won�??t go into any detail.  A few brief observations and I�??ll leave you to it:

 1. It�??s a real test, even in benign conditions.  If everyone was good humoured enough and willing, they could rename it after that dark period in Ireland�??s recent past, �??The Troubles�?� Golf Club.

2. It�??s the hardest and fastest golf course we�??ve played all year.  The best turf we�??ve encountered by far.  You could go out half an hour after a torrential downpour in socks and not get wet feet.

3. Late August is a magnificent time to play because the heather is out in all its purple glory.  Or is that lilac?  In any case it�??s stunning.

4. Don�??t play the blues unless you�??re feeling good about your relationship with your driver; the carries are at times fierce.  And the rest of the time tremendously fierce.

5. Don�??t assume that if you�??re putting from the fringe your putt will be any slower than if it was entirely across green �?? there�??s really no difference.  Just ask poor Chris Barnard who had to mow them during the Walker Cup...in the middle of the night...

6. The hairy bunker lips have a bite as bad as their bark - don�??t mess with them or, for God sake, underestimate their tyranny.

7. Make sure you savour your birdie putts because you won�??t get many.

8. That said, good shots are rewarded �?? it�??s by no means an unfair course.  If I�??d hit any good shots I could attest to that.

9. Take your camera; it�??s one of the bonniest spots on earth.  Or commission Patton Goldstein photography to come with you as we�??ll gladly return for a visit and to take a few.

10. Don�??t play with Des Browne unless you have a thick skin.  Even if you do, don�??t let him get his tail up.  His banter is known across Ireland.

11. Play with Bill if you�??re likely to need help finding your golf ball(s) - like the caddies at Cypress he�??s probably never lost one.

12. Yes, Grandpa, it is the best (links) course in the world (in my humble opinion).  A true, rare, pleasure.  

A sincere thank you to Royal County Down Golf Club for your generous hospitality.  And to Des & Bill for being good natured enough to endure my company for the best part of a day.  Thanks also to Des for treating us to  a lovely meal in the clubhouse, rounding off the RCD experience.

When we left the Golf Club Des took us back to see Evelyn, his darling wife, who's also pictured at the end of the slideshow.  We had shortbread and coffee and basked in the sunshine on deckchairs in the back garden.  Just smashing.

JP